One Morning
by god-of-crazy
Summary: One shot story.  Ness gets committed.  Find out why!


This is a one shot story. Vodka for everyone!

I do not own smash brothers.

* * *

One day, it was decided that the Smash Brothers Mansion had too many inhabitants that were irritating. Therefore, they selected amongst themselves to be committed into a mental institution. 

A legion of lawyers managed to circumvent any legal ramifications they would incur in this gross misuse of a government facility. Everyone wanted Falcon to be committed, but damn, how many times has he been tortured by cruel sadistic authors!

(cough)

"No!" screamed Ness as it was revealed he would be committed. Several Smashers watched the men in white drag Ness into a waiting van. Some were holding digital cameras.

Ness struggled mightily, but the neural restraints he was forced to wear restricted his psychic powers and hence nullified his enhanced strength.

"Why am I being the one committed?" He screamed.

"It's not just you," replied Fox. "Yoshi, Pikachu, jigglypuff, and Bowser will be joining you as well."

"Why are we being committed!" shouted Ness.

"Well…" frowned Fox as he tried to think of an appropriate answer, "you bug us." He flashes a huge warm smile. "Now don't come back until you're well!"

Ness looked to the other Smashers.

"Help me!" he implored.

They responded by holding up signs that said "get well soon," and "try not to eat paste."

Ness' face twisted in rage. "SCREW ALL OF YOU!"

Those were his last words as the men in white secured him into the back of their vehicle and closed the doors.

The Smashers waved goodbye until the van was out of sight. Once out of view, Zelda brought out several pamphlets.

" Hawaii, Prague, or California," recited Zelda, "we'll take a vote once Samus gets back here with her ship."

"What about Paris?"

"Sure, why not"

"Hey," shouted Falcon from the entrance of the mansion, "what's going on?"

"Nothing," replied Mario, "you just go back to boozing."

Falcon went back inside and resumed chugging the contents of a keg.

* * *

Ness checked his fellow crazies. Bowser was asleep, and apparently miniaturized, Jigglypuff was bound, gagged and tranquilized. 

Only Yoshi, snout muzzled, Pikachu, with an electrical grounder, were awake and lucid.

"Hey," he said to the two, "how did they get you in here?"

Yoshi grimaced at his own recollection. "They told me I would find a melon here."

Pikachu sighed and leaned his head back against the van. "They told me Ash was right outside the door. I panicked, because it bordered on the impossible."

"Why?" asked Ness.

The interior of the van suddenly becomes darker, and Pikachu's eyes become black and merciless.

"I entrapped him in a mental conundrum that he cannot solve, thus eliminating all chances that he will escape the hellish torment I imprisoned him in."'

Ness eyed the Pokemon in horror. "What do you do?" he whispered.

* * *

"To find Pikachu read the back of this card." 

Ash urgently flips the card.

"To find Pikachu read the back of this card."

And so on…

* * *

Pikachu chuckled evilly. "He's been at it for years now." 

Ness shook his head. "Wait, wait, how can he live that long without food, water or rest?"

"What? No! He takes a break every once in a while."

"Oh," said Ness, "well, makes sense, I suppose."

"I doubt he would stave off basic necessities just to find me…though when he forgets to bathe, his body odour attracts vultures."

Ness chuckles until he sees Pikachu was not sharing in the revelry.

"I'm not joking." The Pokemon said, deadpan.

Ness winces at this tidbit of information. "That's disgusting! I don't think a human is supposed to make that kind of smell."

Pikachu smirked. "I once assumed he rubbed rotten meat on himself."

"What does his Mom say?" asked Yoshi.

"She thinks he's becoming a 'man.'"

They all shared a hearty laugh before sobering up quickly. Being locked in a van can do that.

"Well," piped Yoshi, "now that our moment of happiness has come and left us forever, I wonder what the boy wonder is doing here."

Pikachu ears perked as he contemplated. "Yeah, it's not as if you're an egotistical jerk, who flaunts his intelligence."

Ness chuckles uneasily. "Heh. Funny thing happened this morning…"

* * *

Ness was running down the hallways in the mansion. Behind, in a towel and wielding a sledge hammer was Zelda. 

"I'll get you, pervert!" she shouted.

Ness turned his head briefly to shout a retort. "It was an accident!"

"Forgiveness requires getting brained by a hammer!"

"AHHH!"

Behind her was Link, ready to chuck a lit bomb.

A few seconds ago, Ness barged into the unlocked bathroom, unaware the princess was showering. She was not happy with the intrusion. Link, hearing her screams, broke through a wall and rushed to her aid.

Young Link, in need of senseless violence, tagged along, egging him on.

"Go, go Link," he cheered, "for the BLOOD and _GORE!"_

Ganondorf takes in the entire accident and laughs at them all.

Near the stairway, Ness leaps off the balcony. Link tosses the bomb after him. Ness uses his powers and boosts himself a little higher, allowing the bomb to pass underneath. It lands near Mewtwo's cereal and Mr. Game & Watch's freshly fried bacon.

Mr. Game & watch shouted numerous obscenities at the brat

Beep Beep Beep Beep

(Language filtered for decency's sake)

Now, having breakfast ruined was bad enough, having to visit the burn ward of the hospital, now that just ruined the morning.

"My eyes," he shouted in pain, "why must searing hot grease be so painful!"

Mewtwo uses telephathy to locate the ness and proceeds to chuck psychic bolts at him.

Ness throws up a psychic shield, reflecting the bolts at the Mario brothers and Peach, who were busy constructing a card house. They dreamed of being in the Guinness book of world records along with that…guy…and that other guy…and girl. But now, their dreams were ruined.

Peach sobbed over the senseless waste. "Why..sniff...must the good...sniff..suffer..wahh!"

The Mario brothers leapt over the remains of their work and threw fireballs at Ness.

Ness dodges the fire. The fireballs melted the ice sculpture the ice climbers were working on. Believing Ness engineered a prank upon them, they came at him with mallets raised.

They tossed their implements at Ness, who tripped over an upraised rug. Awakening from a good nights sleep, the stars of Fire Emblem steadily made their way down the stairs. Just in time, the mallets both hit Marth and Roy below the belt. They both fell clutching and screaming.

"Ahhh!" groaned Roy. "That's the second time this week!"

"Third for me!" moaned Marth.

Ness manages to get back onto to his feet and rushes to the entrance of the Mansion. He collides into a pile of banana cream pies. The delivery man slaps his head.

"Every single time," he berated himself," it never fails."

DK, who was signing off the delivery, clutches his head and screams as if he saw a naked elderly man.

Samus, Fox and Falco, decided more violence was necessary to end this charade. They aimed their blasters at the source: Ness.

Ness was fortunate enough to see their collective blast. He dodges, thinking the worst was over, until he saw who the new recipient of the bolts would be: Kirby. It would have been inconsequential, except he was inexplicably juggling several Bo-bombs.

"Oh, SH-."

The explosion destroyed the front portion of the mansion.

* * *

Yoshi and Pikachu both voiced recognition at the events that transpired. 

"So, that was the noise," said Pikachu, "I thought that Bowser farted again."

Yoshi scoffed. "If he did fart at that magnitude, I don't think anyone of us would be alive," he pointed out.

Speaking of the dino, Ness glances at Bowser. Big dinosaur and no coffee did not translate into getting said dino into van without manslaughter charges.

"How did they trick him in here?"

"They didn't," replied Yoshi, "he was still asleep when they shoved him in here."

Ness gave a brief, "oh," before leaning back against a padded wall.

A few minutes passed. Pikachu took out a black marker and uncaps it.

Ness brightened at the drawing instrument. "Dibs on the face," he chirped.

"I'll take the belly," chimed in Yoshi.

Pikachu examines what's left. "I guess I'll take the shell area."

So they went to work, whittling away the time before they were to be tied down and drugged, writing and drawing lewd limericks, quotes, and pictures on Bowser.


End file.
